Toddlers do some crazy stuff, and your first instinct is to ask questions to figure out all the details of the incident. But, trust me. You don’t want to know. The answers nearly always open the door to more work for you.
What are you chewing?
The answer to this question is always one of the following: poop, petrified food bit, bug, trash, or something equally disgusting. So if you have a sensitive gag reflex, just tell yourself that it was probably a washed piece of fruit or vegetable that must have fallen on a recently cleaned area of the floor and put it behind you. That’s how kids build an immune system. They eat poop and lick airport floors.
Where did you get that?
Once you have the answer to this question, you’ve added another spot to clean to your list. Unless you’re ready to flip the couch, the previous location of that dirty sock or dusty hot dog isn’t important.
How did you get out of there?
There were probably some death-defying stunts involved. Be thankful that you avoided the heart attack that would have taken place had you walked in mid-escape and add “jailbreak” to the collection of life skills you are encouraging them to develop.
Do you have a poopy diaper?
First to ask has to change it. Even the most novice parent knows this one.
When did you do that?
The answer will always coordinate with the moment you went to the bathroom, answered your phone, or blinked your eyes. It’s unrealistic to think you can watch their every move. They know when you’re weak, and they capitalize on it. Be grateful that they have learned to take advantage of every opportunity that’s afforded them.
Who did that?
Don’t encourage tattling. Do you really want to be dragged into every fight that happens between your kids? Besides, nobody likes a snitch.
Why did you hit/bite/kick?
The real answer for the isolated incident is neither here nor there. She did it because toddlers are just one step above wild animals on the evolutionary ladder. I give them the edge only because of their ability to memorize the lyrics to “Let It Go.” In fact, asking why they did anything is pointless. They do what they do because they just don’t give a sh*t. If you had no real responsibilities and a lack of rational thought, would you act any differently? Probably not.
Dealing with multiple toddlers at a time is like working in an ER. Triage rules apply. There’s no time for all these questions. Put a band-aid on it, scoop it out of their mouth, distract the patient, and move on to the next one.
Tantrums and Twirls 